Disagreements on these Forums

[scep]

1st man: My wife went on holiday to the Caribbean.

2nd man: Jamaica?

1st man: No, she went of her own accord.

[nichobb]

Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
Because the parrots eat them all

Horse walks into a bar, barman says what"s with the long face?

Man walks into a bar and says "OUCH!"

A Jew, preist and Irishman walks into a bar, barman says "Is this some kind of joke?"

I have hundreds of these...

[spamel]

What's the difference between hard and light?

A man can sleep with a light on.....

[Lynbarn]

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. What have we done?!!!

[JustThisGuy]

You all have convinced me that the first optional program I'll install on my Pi is fortune. You have further convinced me that it needs to be updated to handle video clips, ala:

#/usr/games/fortune -v -o -l

[Luny]

A Higgs Boson walks into a church.

The priest looks up and says "I'm sorry we don't allow your type in here"

The Higgs Boson replies "But without me, how can you have mass?"

1 + 11?  12 or 100?

[mccp]

I know this doesn't translate but:

Q: What do you call a French sandal maker?

A: Philippe Philoppe!

This may translate:

Q: What's brown and sticky?

A: A stick!

[Foxhat]

Tim Vine has picked up the award for the year's funniest joke at the Loaded Laftas comedy awards with,

"Conjunctivitis.com - that's a site for sore eyes"

boom boom!

[grumpyoldgit]

scep said:


1st man: My wife went on holiday to the Caribbean.

2nd man: Jamaica?

1st man: No, she went of her own accord.


You've just spoiled my East Indies / Jakarta joke!

[TheEponymousBob]

Foxhat said:


Tim Vine has picked up the award for the year's funniest joke at the Loaded Laftas comedy awards with,

"Conjunctivitis.com - that's a site for sore eyes"

boom boom!



Was it him that described multi-storey car-park crime as wrong on many levels?

[TheEponymousBob]

I think the cleverest pun I've heard in recent years was from Sandi Toksvig on the News Quiz.  An article in Nature magazine had recently been published that demonstrated evidence of social intelligence in pre-toddlers.  Had the results been negative, she said, it would have been reported in their sister publication, Nurture.

[Luny]

TheEponymousBob said:


Was it him that described multi-storey car-park crime as wrong on many levels?


Yes it was.

[grumpyoldgit]

He won the funniest joke award at the 2010 Edinburgh Fringe.

"I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again."

[bredman]

Procrastinators Anonymous meeting has been postponed until next week

[Lynbarn]

My Tim Vine favourite:

Do you ever get that feeling when you're half way through eating a horse and you think to yourself, "I'm not as hungry as I thought I was"

[bredman]

The Tourette's Syndrome Association phoned me asking for a donation.

I told them I couldn't give a ****

[abishur]

bredman said:


The Tourette's Syndrome Association phoned me asking for a donation.

I told them I couldn't give a ****



For those concerned the censored word is dime.

[dognosh]

mccp said:


I know this doesn't translate but:

Q: What do you call a French sandal maker?

A: Philippe Philoppe!

This may translate:

Q: What's brown and sticky?

A: A stick!


haha !!! It sort of barely translates MCCP !!! reply is both a name of a person if read as it should be, and name of a shoe if read phonetically(flip flop) , so it does work(ish) in English

[spamel]

What's got two legs and bleeds a lot?

Half a dog

[jamesh]

spamel said:


What's got two legs and bleeds a lot?

Half a dog


Not if it belongs to Damien Hurst.

[spamel]

I think he only does sharks and cows! lol

[TheEponymousBob]

JamesH said:


spamel said:


What's got two legs and bleeds a lot?

Half a dog


Not if it belongs to Damien Hurst.



Nor if it's the outcome of a joke about making a dog go meow.  But I'll let you find that one for yourself, if you like that sort of thing.

[andri]

Panda: eat, shoot, and leaves.

A panda walks into a café. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and proceeds to fire it at the other patrons.

'Why?' asks the confused, as the panda makes towards the exit.

'Well, I'm a panda,' he says, at the door. 'Look it up.'

The waiter turns to the manual and, finds an explanation.

'Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats shoots and leaves.'

11 + 2 = ….  OMG

[Lynbarn]

This has gone on for long enough – time to bring this thread back on-topic, to the object of our desires (well, almost):

[spamel]

Stef, I heard a similar one to that, but the panda was visiting a, how do I put this? A lady of the night!