I did want to wish you all a Happy Christmas, but after consulting my legal advisor I was made aware in no uncertain terms that there were a number of possible problems with the greeting I had intended to use, to this end the local government approved language guidelines were followed with particular reference to the Socialist Republic of Camden's diktats on the matter, (Non Offence of Whining PC ****s act 2006).
Below is the result, please do not feel I am implying an obligation to read it, that would constitute an unacceptable cultural imperialism on my part if I felt that the effort spent in writing it in some way obliged your perusal thereof.
Please accept with no obligation, implied or otherwise, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress , non addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday practised with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all .
I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2012, but not without due respect for the calendar of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country Great Britain (not to imply that Britain is necessarily greater than any other country) and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee .
By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms :
This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/him or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. The wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher .
Best Regards (Without prejudice)
Name withheld (Data Protection Act).