FIXED IT!!! Ok I would feel like a git (or berk, prat, dork, dummy, whatever), but I can't recall reading specifically that the card was to be put in the unlabeled card slot, but I must be that thick. Anyway, thank you all for your help. I'm off to play! Cheers!

Ok I got what seemed a nice present from my fiancée: an RPi 3 for retro gaming. Not so nice in reality. Caveat: I've been using, building, and modding computers since 1991. I'm not an expert, least of all using Linux machines, but I know enough to fix an out of the box problem. Right, I got the Cana...